


Ice Cream Regrets

by bmo, voidofbreath (bmo)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Food, M/M, Overeating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmo/pseuds/bmo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmo/pseuds/voidofbreath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HSWC Bonus Round 1 fill for horsescience</p>
<p>Dirk/Equius</p>
<p>Remember when Dirk first introduced ice cream to Equius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice Cream Regrets

It was hot as heck, 100 degrees and so humid that Dirk swore he saw droplets of water dripping down the wall. Maybe it was just perspiration that he and Equius swiped from their brows while trying to fix the infernal air conditioning unit.

“Remind me to get a captcha code of every single item in this place before it breaks down.” Dirk said, completely ticked off that they didn’t have an easy way to make a copy. At first he tried, but the code was undoubtedly for the broken unit. 

“Perhaps you could write down all the codes in a book and tattoo the code for that on your body.” It actually wasn’t a bad idea, and Equius was full of ideas. At least the captchaloguing the book of codes was great. While Dirk could tattoo that on himself, it’d be pretty obnoxious if they needed to backup more codes later. A new tattoo with every book. 

Dirk’s mind was wondering, all he could think of was his entire body covered in captcha codes, then when he ran out of room, Equius’s. It filled his brain with stupid images, then slightly sexier ones of him trying to find the right code on the muscles of his strong troll boyfriend, and yeah, he definitely couldn’t work anymore. 

“Screw this. No, don’t tighten the screws man. I mean, we need a break. You, me, in front of the fridge with big bowls of cold ice cream.” He put his tools down and slapped Equius on the shoulder to get a move on. Sweat splashed off of him. Didn’t matter. Dirk was nearly as sweaty that day. He just wiped it off on his shirt. 

“But sitting with the refrigerator open will heat up your hive even more, in the long run. It takes energy to keep the units c001. And, may I ask, what is ice cream? Just frozen cream? That sounds harnesstly delicious.” The first few times he slipped horse puns into his speech around Dirk, it was merely accidental and mostly due to nerves. But the human insisted that they were cute, and eventually Equius started putting them in intentionally. 

“How have you never had ice cream, man? Dessert nectar of the gods. And I don’t care about the heat thing, it’ll feel good for now and we’ll fix this piece of shit when we’re done. Then ice cold house, regardless of how much heat the fridge is producing. Ice cream time, now.” He walked into the house and Equius dropped his tools and followed. 

Dirk got out two big bowls, pulled the ice cream out of the freezer, captchalogued it and wrote down the code, and then scooped out two big helpings for himself and Equius. He even gave Equius the slightly larger helping because he was feeling extra generous.   
“Bon appetit.”   
Equius took a spoonful of the cold, yet quickly melting confection and ate it. His eyes lit up behind his glasses, and his joy was evident on his face. So much better than frozen cream. Sweet, smooth, with just a hint of vanilla. “Oh my gosh, yes.” He started shovelling spoonful after spoonful in his mouth until his head started pounding. The thinkpanfreeze didn’t matter to him, and he ate through the pain, but the empty bowl left him feeling just as empty. 

“May I have some more?” He held up his bowl to Dirk and gave a cracked tooth smile.   
“Sure, but you can help yourself.” Dirk wasn’t going to be generous all the time. Besides, he wasn’t even done his bowl yet. Equius scrambled up and filled his bowl with a small mountain of ice cream before joining Dirk in front of the open fridge.   
“Might as well just eat it out of the tub if you want that much.”   
“Nonsense, I don’t want to be greedy.” Lies. 

By the time Dirk finished his bowl, Equius was already on his third. Who was he to judge though? The first time he had orange soda, he probably drank 10 liters on one day. Equius could have his binge, he’d be fine.   
“I’m gonna go take a cold shower, let me know when you want to get back to work.” Equius barely nodded as he shovelled more ice cream in his mouth.   
When Dirk was out of the kitchen, Equius looked at the code he wrote down. There simply wasn’t enough ice cream in that one tub to satiate his desires. So he alchemized another. And another. Perhaps ten actually. 

One infinite shower later, Dirk returned, half expecting Equius to have started work again without him. What he found instead had him clutching at his sides laughing. Ten empty tubs of ice cream, a spoon still in the eleventh. He passed out while eating! This was so precious. Where did it all even fit? Dirk noticed Equius’s previously flat stomach was sticking out a bit. Amazing. Equius stirred in his sleep and looked up at Dirk, glasses askew, face covered in melted ice cream.   
“Do you I think I was e%cessive?”   
“Nah. Let’s get you washed up though, big stallion. Then you can chill in my bed while I fix the AC. But if you get sick on my sheets, you’re cleaning it up.”


End file.
